But which of these images properly describes the Coach on Survivor...?
Yes, he hates all people everywhere equally.
Sure, his purpose on earth is to find fault with others and pick at those anomalies like infected scabs until the disease of self doubt becomes all-consuming and leads to their ultimate demise.
Of course, his self image is so distorted that he can't even remotely see that his Machiavellian pursuits consistently get sidetracked by (1) his short fuse, (2) his monstrous ego, and (3) the fact that he looks exactly like Geddy Lee, the lead singer from Rush.
= Separated at birth?
"Today's Tom Sawyer he gets high on you. And the space he invades he gets by on you!"
Immediately after returning from Charo's departure at the last Tribal Council, Coach's ire slowly begins to build as Erinn starts spinning a crazy tale about how she was only using Charo and really wasn't aligned with her to try to boot Coach out...
No less than three tribe members confide to the camera that their "intelligence" had been insulted, which immediately made me think, "What, haven't these people ever seen the CW network?"
But the more pressing question about insulting intelligences is, what the hell is that extra "n" doing on the end of Erinn's name? Were her parents obsessed with those grammar school alphabet charts showing both capital and lower case letters and somehow got a little confused...? Maybe her name is really spelled "EeRrIiNn"?
As I grapple with this conundrum, suddenly: a bombshell.
**GASP** The beans are giving Jerry gas.
Jerry - please. You're on Survivor, in the middle of the Amazon for god's sake, stop holding it in. There's no need to be polite in front of all these disgusting, unwashed, stinky people...
Unfortunately, sitting so close to the campfire, Jerry still remembers that day on the aircraft carrier when he let one fly...
Over at Jalapao, JT and his boyfriend Stephen are testing out the new fishing equipment. Unfortunately, nobody seems to understand the net strategy, and minnows are the only thing caught while big fish are evading their every tactic. JT is especially perplexed until he remembers a strategy back home of using smaller things (rats, roadkill, granny's goiters) to catch larger prey (skunks, possums, Bigfoot), and suddenly the minnow bait is catching a slew of fish.
At the reward challenge, Jalapao is a well oiled machine while Timbira is...our economy.
Typically, for challenges in which a designated "caller" for a group of blindfolded teammates tries to lead them through a maze, that caller is blamed for a loss. However, it's difficult to point the finger at Debbie for Timbira's loss when she screams at Brendan and Jerry, "GO LEFT! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" and Bren&Jerry continue moving straight, right past the end of the maze as if they were just out taking a nice (blindfolded) stroll
Jeff, always revealing the simple truth, refuses to put lipstick on the Palin, "TIMBIRA'S REALLY BLOWING THIS CHALLENGE."
Another simple truth...
Coach is absolutely livid with the loss, releasing a Lennonesque primal yell (without any of Lennon's integrity, intelligence, artistry or Yoko-lust), and, back at camp, instructs his tribe not to go off in little groups to point blame at individuals. "It's the worst thing we can do!"
Point made, he immediately stomps off with Tyson to secretly dump all the blame on EeRrIiNn. Coach and Tyson bond - a little - over the all the vitriol, and Coach even decrees the "Assistant Coach" moniker on Tyson (who is clearly touched/amused/disgusted).
Other famous Assistants that Tyson can be proud to be associated with:
At the Immunity Challenge, Jalapao goes down again easily, and it appears to be between EeRrIiNn and Jerry's gas for who will be sent home next.
Over at Immunity Sand Dune, Brendan and Taj are back together again ("Love: exiting and new!") and get another clue for the hidden immunities. Back at camp, Brendan immediately finds the idol in a the first place that crosses his mind: the anus (of the tree mail statue). Needing to keep it secret, he stores the idol back in the place he found it for safekeeping (this time in a more...convenient...personal...portable anus).
Tyson and Coach unequivocally want EeRrIiNn gone; however, the rest of the tribe appear to want Jerry's non-flatulating idol storage device booted. Tyson's sole motivation is that he "...loves to see people cry when you crush their dreams."
How sweet.
We head to council on the fence...
And what a fantastic council it is! Probst, as always, having been fed the underlying dynamics of twisted control issues emanating from Coach, and completely stirs it up by asking Jerry and then EeRrIiNn who the leader is.
"Brendan," they both both reply without hesitation.
Coach is absolutely INCENSED.
"Who would you say is the leader?" Jeff asks him - a question every single Survivor in the past has always, always answered with, "NOT ME."
"Me," he quickly states.
Oh ye of the foreshadowing persuasion, how thou dost tempt us...
But, since it's between EeRrIiNn and Jerry, and since Jerry started the whole conversation off with his proclamation that Coach is not the leader, Jerry is next to go.
Next week: a welcome return to pixelation! (Let's hope...)
PB
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